I write about Trauma, Sex, BDSM and other human conditions we experience in our daily lives.

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Maintaining a Strong Relationship Amidst Life’s Challenges…

In every relationship, external stressors can pose significant challenges, testing the strength and resilience of the bond between partners. This holds true in the unique context of BDSM dynamics, where additional factors specific to the BDSM community can contribute to the complexity of navigating stressors. From demanding work schedules to financial pressures, family conflicts, and the intricacies of power exchange, these stressors can create hurdles that BDSM couples must navigate together. Recognizing the impact of…

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Recharging and Reflecting: The Benefits of “Me” Time in the Lifestyle…

In the exhilarating world of BDSM, where power dynamics and intense activities reign supreme, it’s essential to recognize the value of “me” time. As an active participant within the BDSM lifestyle, I have come to appreciate the significance of carving out dedicated moments for self-care, reflection, and rejuvenation. Understanding and exploring why embracing “me” time is not only healthy but crucial for maintaining our mental and emotional well-being. What is “Me” Time in the BDSM…

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Satisfying Sexual Desires: Navigating Between Preferences and Fetishes…

Human sexuality is a complex and multifaceted phenomenon that encompasses various aspects, including personal preferences, desires, and fetishes. Although preferences and fetishes may seem to overlap, they are two distinct concepts with different implications for sexual behavior and identity. In writing this, I want to explore and dive into the psychology of sexual preference and fetishism, exploring the factors that differentiate them and examining how they relate to sexual identity. One way to understand the…

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Breaking the Silence: Men and Anxiety

Anxiety can be a difficult topic for anyone to discuss, but for men, it can be especially challenging. Men are often taught to be stoic and tough, to keep their emotions hidden and to avoid showing vulnerability. As a result, many men struggle silently with anxiety, feeling alone and isolated in their struggles. I have spoken with hundreds of men in our community, this seems to top their list of serious concerns. Research has shown…

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Why do we return to emotionally abusive relationships…

Abusive relationships aren’t limited to physical violence. The umbrella term “domestic abuse” encompasses various forms of abuse, such as psychological and emotional abuse. Identifying emotional abuse can be challenging, but typically, a relationship is classified as emotionally abusive when there is a recurring pattern of abusive words and behaviors that chip away at one’s self-esteem and harm their mental well-being. Leaving an abusive relationship is a crucial step, it can also be one of the…

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Why we chase after unavailable partners…

Dating and relationships are a minefield. They can be awkward and uneasy to navigate, full of pitfalls. We tend to exacerbate this when we are desperate and get involved with someone that is either mentally or emotionally unavailable. WE might as well just click the self-destruct button, because that is what we are doing. We are oblivious to this self-sabotaging behavior that we fall into. This pattern we have created for ourselves. Understanding and altering…

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A Man’s Honor and Integrity…

Men’s honor and integrity are some of the most vital traits that shape the way men interact with themselves, and the world around them. Honor is the adherence to a code of moral principles and integrity is the adherence to moral principles as they are lived out. Together they guide men’s actions and decision making, providing a foundation of trustworthiness and respectability. It is the embodiment of honor and integrity that allows men to be…

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BDSM and Expectations…

There is a phrase that got its start in self-help programs. “Expectations are calculated resentments.” There is some truth in this statement, especially when we apply to the context of the lifestyle. How does the psychology of expectations help and apply to us in the lifestyle? We know, that if we expect to find the right person in the right role for us, to just pop out of thin air, it will not happen. Wanting…

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Kink still isn’t a cure for Mental Health Issues…

There are many wonderful ways that the world of kink can provide many beneficial things to many different people. Exploration, fantasy, fulfillment and so forth. One misnomer that I am correcting lately is that somehow Kink or BDSM can be a substitute for actual therapeutic practices. This cannot be further from the truth. Currently, kink nor BDSM are recognized by any such organization such as American Psychological Association (APA), Association for Psychological Sciences (APS), or…

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Relationship advice to improve our dynamics…

I write a lot about well-being and our mindsets. One thing I constantly refer back to is, “Effort.” Without it, there is no relationship, just a one-way street that will quickly lead to someone ended up alone. Once we have gone through the courting process, negotiated our way into each other’s hearts, played, had some intense scenes, and have begun to really discover how much both people fit together, we enter a new phase of…

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