If a marker for the success of a relationship is based on our happiness, what does that say about that relationship when it is solely wrapped in misery?

When we enter a relationship, there are some fundamentals that need to be in place for it to work. Without question, we need honesty as the front runner. The type of unparalleled honesty that makes a relationship grow and evolve. Trust grows from day one. Violations can cause serious doubts as to the longevity of a relationship. Respect, demonstrates that both of you are equal footing in the relationship, outside of personal proclivities.

You want a partner that can challenge your ideas, help you get through tough situations and the type of relationship where you both grow from it. If the person you have chosen to enter into a relationship with does not offer feedback, does not listen or does not empathize with who you are, you have lost half of the emotional and mental ability you would alternatively benefit from.

There are decades of research from experts that point to one major focal point that helps. That you both should engage in talking with each other. The time varies, but on average, anywhere from 1 hour to 2 hours per week. These become the intimate moments where you get to share your personal lives with one another, not just your desires for BDSM, the lifestyle or future plans, but about who you are and your aspirations. That there is a vested interest in one another. If your partner scoffs at this idea, the idea of sharing and exploring, it may be time to ask if that is the right person for you.

These conversations can cover a variety of issues. What both keeps both focused on your relationship future, where you both see yourselves in the upcoming months or years, joint finances, bills, or how your home is presented for the two of you. You both get a chance to express what you want in the future together. What your individual career paths may look like and how that will fit into your lives. By doing this, it keeps you connected, joined together in a united front moving forward. It is no longer one person or the other fighting for attention. It is shared jointly.

To get to these points in relationships take work. They take effort. They take care. They take consideration. They take mental fortitude. Relationships are not a race, they are a paced-joint marathon. Once we become clear in the understanding that we can achieve these things, we can find the peace and happiness that grants us the solstice of joy we need. Sometimes we have to set our sights higher than just merely being “content ” in a relationship, because when we strive for more we find ourselves preparing to embrace the happiness we deserve and require.